MUG OF THE MONTH
Frank Doubleday reacts with fear, denial and childlike bewilderment to the news that he’s about to die
at the end of a metal shiv driven home by Harry Dean Stanton.
Donald Pleasance as the President, hog-tied and forced to wear a blonde wig, looks on approvingly.
FRANK… WHY YOU LOOK LIKE THAT?
Doubleday blames Stanton for styling advice that “turned a once natural bob into the kind of hair that belongs on a fucking troll doll.”
Stanton insists he warned Doubleday not to overuse a hair dryer.
Barbeau intervenes, promising she’ll do what she can to rework Doubleday’s hair into something less terrifying.
Doubleday ignores Barbeau’s compliment that he looks like Lady Liberty.
Up close, she’s disturbed to discover he’s neither anemic nor wasting away on the Atkin’s diet, but is actually an anorexic teenage girl.
Stanton reassures Pleasance he will not have to amuse his captors with Daryl Hannah impersonations for much longer.
No-one’s going anywhere until Pleasance recreates the lobster-eating scene from “Splash.”
Barbeau mentally redecorates the suite, retaining all of the original moldings, repainting in light sage, furnishing from Shabby Chic and adding a scattering of eye-catching accents from Restoration Hardware.
In a few moments, she will put aside this fantasy and kill almost everybody in the room.
A member of Black September, a shepherd from the St. Josephs School Nativity Play and an ex-backup singer for Fleetwood Mac wait for Pleasance to do another scene from “Splash.”
The look that says “I was not meant to be stabbed today.”
Barbeau begins redecorating using a Smith & Wesson Model 67 to remove human beings that clash with her makeover idea.
With the aid of high velocity hollow-point slugs these dying men momentarily recreate a scene from the tragic finale of Swan Lake.
Barbeau smiles, realizing she’s unintentionally left holes in the walls that are perfectly spaced for a series of framed prints or decorative plates.
Doubleday is overcome with tears as he grasps the alarmingly low probability
of surviving a deep knife wound in a city where the closest emergency room closed nine years ago.
Stanton waits patiently as Pleasance has an “I’m not fucking Daryl Hannah” tantrum.
Remorse creeps in as Pleasance remembers liking some of Hannah’s work in “Steel Magnolias” and “The Clan Of The Cave Bear.”
A Face To Die For – April’s Mug Of The Month