Age – 3 maybe 4. Incept date unknown.

Location – New York City.

Relationship Status – Single. Recent Widow.

Looking For – Lonely man to manipulate.

Body Type – Athletic. Similar to Slinky in design.

Sports – Ladies gymnastics, extreme cagefighting and toying with men.

Smoke or Drink – I drink heavily and become destructive. Not a smoker. Will not date a smoker either.

Tattoos – None, but my use of makeup scares the shit out of most guys.

My Best Feature is – With very little work I can pass for Cyndi Lauper.

What I Do – Unemployed sex worker. I hope the fact that I’m unemployed is not a turn-off.

What I Make – I love to knit. I’m always making sweaters for people.

Faith – Memory implants tell me I was raised Mormon, but I voted against Prop 8 because I need to feel human.

Education – With a 4 year lifespan, I decided not to pursue a college degree.

Politics – I see the earth dying and I feel nothing. I guess, Republican. 

Interests – Genetic engineering, cellular dissolution, morphology & almost any tween show.

What Was The Last Book You Read – ‘Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.’ As a young woman, I found the book more informative than the Mormon memory implants.

What Was The Last Film You Saw – I was dragged to ‘Mars Needs Moms.’ It’s much worse than the trailer.

How Do I Feel About Kids – I don’t know. Is it legal to own one?

How Do I Feel About Pets – I’ve never had any, but I’ve been kept as one on occasion.

How Would Friends Describe You – Pretty, eager to please, homicidal.

Describe Your Place – It looks exactly like your place, but with my clothes everywhere.

Why Should I Meet You – You’ll never forget the experience.

If You Could Be Anywhere, Where Would You Be Right Now – Burning Man. Just the name sounds incredibly appealing.

What Was The Worst Lie You Ever Told – “I won’t hurt you.” Later, I killed this person.

Sexual Turn-Ons – Being paid up front.

Sexual Turn-Offs – Any kind of roleplaying where I have to pretend to be a half woman/half fish hybrid.

Where Is The Strangest Place You’ve Had Sex – The outer hull of a shuttle. My partner was drunk. I got off, but he froze to death in the extreme cold of space.

•  Arrived wearing a spandex outfit that made her look like a contestant on “The Running Man.”

•  Seemed too eager to get to know me. Most women are more cautious or simply walk away.

•  Agreed to take things slow, then asked to  “take me home and bang the shit out of me” after I’d finished my Latte.

•  Talked endlessly about her job. As she used to be a hooker this was a bit disconcerting.

•  Walked on her hands as we left the coffee shop.

Image of Pris courtesy of Daniel Johansson from Deviant Art

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